


stolen hoodie, stolen heart

by kyoloren



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A little masturbation never hurt anyone, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Rose/Kaydel - Freeform, Ben Solo is a sad sweetheart, Ben is patient, Bisexual Ben Solo, Coming of Age, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hoodies, It's about the journey, No one is a bad guy in this, Rey and Ben have other relationships before they end up together, Rey has a lot of problems with her own self worth, Rey is insecure, Rey is slow on the uptake, Slow Burn, background finn/poe - Freeform, stolen clothes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:15:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24615895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoloren/pseuds/kyoloren
Summary: It starts one night when her friend Ben gives her his hoodie to keep warm. It’s not her fault that it takes a week to get it back to him. And it’s definitely not her fault when she starts to casually steal away more of his hoodies whenever she goes to a party or to study at his place. It doesn’t mean anything. Right?
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 38
Kudos: 224





	stolen hoodie, stolen heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks!
> 
> This idea came from a dream of mine where me and Adam Driver were college friends and I would constantly steal his hoodies and take forever to get them back to him haha
> 
> The fic was supposed to be mostly fluff, but it turned into a lot of internal angst for Rey, so this has some light and cute moments, but Rey really gets into her own head sometimes and it can get a little heavy.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it none-the-less!

* * *

The first time it happened, Rey didn't even think anything about it. She's standing in line next to Ben, with Poe, Finn, Rose and Kaydel clustered in front of them. They'd been standing for an hour already waiting to be let into the concert hall to see Rebel Brigade and Rey started shivering.

It was November and Chandrila got cold after dark. Her ripped skinny jeans and short sleeve band-tee weren't cutting it.

"It's way too bloody cold," she muttered, teeth chattering.

"Here," Ben said, yanking his hoodie over his head. It wasn't the zipper kind.

"Thanks!" Rey squeaked, shoving her arms and head inside and absorbing his warmth. She even pulled the hood up and bunched up the cuffs in her hands. "This is like a dress."

Ben chuckled, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. "It's not Rebel Brigade."

That was true. There was a screaming skull made of bugs and flowers that was the design for the band, Knights of Ren.

Rey wasn't a band snob. She shrugged. "It's warm. Thank you, Ben."

She snuggled into the warmth and the line started to move a few minutes later.

It wasn't until hours later, after two hours of music and two messed up rideshares, when Rey flopped down on her bed in her apartment that she realized she was still wearing Ben's hoodie.

Rey shrugged it off and she crawled into bed after stripping off her clothes. It was pure coincidence that the hoodie ended up staying on her mattress and that she cuddled it to her chest when she was almost asleep.

Ben didn't ask about it when they saw each other the next day in psychology class. Rey didn't mention it when their rowdy group found each other at the dining hall for lunch. Everyone was talking over each other about the concert, belting out lyrics and yelling about their feet getting stepped on.

Rose and Kaydel got up to grab some ice cream that they really didn't need, leaving Rey with the boys. She caught Ben's eye and flashed him a grin. He was the quietest of their group of six and Rey wasn't sure what to make of him even though they'd known each other for a few months. Rey started at this school as a sophomore, needing to transfer after some unfortunate events at her last college, and had immediately been adopted by her flatmates, Rose and Kaydel. Rey easily fit into the group of friends.

Ben was tall and quiet, a little awkward sometimes, and he always hunched himself over, as if he was afraid of taking up too much space. The most Rey had seen him smile was at the idiotic jokes his roommates made during the riotous parties thrown by the duo.

He and Rey had had a few conversations-the kind that you can only have at college with near-strangers-but he otherwise treated her like any other person. Kind of at a distance, but nice enough if she ever put her attention on him.

Like when she complained about being too cold.

"Anyway, I'm thinking jello shots," Poe said loudly at the lunch table.

Ben broke eye contact with Rey and shoved Poe's shoulder. "Don't. You never actually make them and force me to make them instead."

"That's only because you make them better than I can. I always put too much vodka and then they never firm up."

"It's true," Finn agreed. "And Poe usually doesn't have a problem firming things up.

Rey snorted into her soda.

"It's true," Poe said seriously.

"What's true?" Rose asked, sitting down next to Rey, her plastic bowl overflowing with soft serve and every topping she could find: gummy bears, chocolate chips, oreo bits, walnuts, mini-marshmallows, sprinkles…

"Ben is the best at making jello shots," Rey offered.

"Agreed," Kaydel said, winking at Ben. "There weren't any at their last party. You're in for a treat."

Ben glanced at Rey almost apologetically. Rey rolled her eyes and chuckled.

* * *

By the time the weekend rolled around, Rey had stopped kidding herself and had dressed up one of her pillows with Ben's hoodie. It had nothing to do with _Ben_ , but it was big men's clothing and made Rey feel a little bit less lonely when she cuddled it at night.

Thankfully neither of her roommates went into her room and Rey was able to keep it a little secret. Not that it needed to be a secret, but she was loath to return it now.

"Stop that," Kaydel said, whacking her arm. "You'll ruin the matte."

Rey stopped chewing on her bottom lip and pulled down the crop top that Rose had shoved into her hands earlier as the three of them were getting ready. It was freezing out, nearly December, and while most of the campus was studying for finals, Poe and Finn decided it was a perfect weekend to have a party and relieve some stress.

Rey thought longingly of Ben's hoodie back in her room as goosebumps covered her exposed skin.

The walk was short but she was cold all over by the time they joined a slow crowd heading inside. The party was well underway, with music and lights and enough alcohol to get them all arrested for being underaged.

Rey got herself a single drink of rum and coke and watched as everyone else converged together, yelling over music and dancing and passing around joints. Rey found herself in the kitchen eventually, where she spotted Ben pulling a tray of jello shots out of the freezer.

"The famous jello shots," she said loudly, even though the music wasn't as heavy in here.

Ben almost dropped the tray but saved it, sliding it onto the second hand dining table. "You can get first dibs," he said, waving his hand around the assortment of colors.

Rey shrugged a shoulder and picked a red one. She broke the seal on the tiny plastic shot glass with her pinkie and then tilted her head back. It was cold, but tasty and she blinked and nodded at Ben as the vodka burned down her throat.

"Thanks," she said, her mind suddenly blank at proper things to say. She wasn't nearly drunk enough and it wasn't late enough for them to slip into conversations you could only have at three am.

He nodded, ran his hand through his hair and then opened his mouth to say something. Just then, someone poked their head into the kitchen, saw the shots and yelled about it. The room was flooded, squishing Ben and Rey into the corner by the sink.

Rey held her breath as she was nearly forced into his arms.

"Sorry," Ben yelled over the music. He looked like he meant it too, keeping his hands and arms to himself.

Luckily, the flood only lasted a few minutes and then the shots were gone and the crowd dispersed with some people lingering in the kitchen.

"I should go find Rose and Kaydel," Rey said, clutching her red solo cup to her chest.

"Yeah, sure. Good luck," Ben nodded. "Oh uh...you don't happen to still have my hoodie, do you?"

Rey blinked, hoping the lights were dark enough for him to not see how flushed she got at the mention. "Um...probably. My room's always a mess, it's probably somewhere. I can bring it to class on Monday."

"Cool, thanks. It's kind of sentimental."

Rey instantly felt bad about keeping it for the whole week and gave him a small smile. "I'll bring it."

* * *

Rey did bring the hoodie to class, newly washed. She hoped that it wouldn't smell too much like her-because how weird would that be?-and she handed it to him at the end of the lecture class, neatly folded.

"Thanks," he said, sounding actually relieved to have his hands on it again.

"Sorry I didn't give it back sooner," she said, hands clasped around her backpack straps. "I didn't really think about it."

He tucked it under his arm. "It's okay. It sounds stupid, but um I bought it at the last concert I went to with my dad. He'd never admit it, but he liked new rock music as much as the classic stuff."

Rey desperately wanted to melt into the floor. She felt like absolute shit. "Well that makes me feel even worse."

"Ah hell, no, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. Thanks for bringing it back." He gave her a smile of assurance.

"Yeah, no problem. I've gotta go." Rey turned on her heel and rushed off, feeling pathetic and angry with herself and half crying by the time she got out onto the sidewalk.

A god damned hoodie was not a replacement for friendship or love or anything. She was stupid to have kept it thinking that it could replace something that she wasn't worthy of in the first place.

Dabbing her cheeks with the cuffs of her own jumper, she squared her shoulders, determined to move on and never think about it again.

* * *

The next day, Rey had another of Ben's hoodies in her hands.

She didn't know how it happened. Finn asked her over to help fix their sink-she was very handy and knew how to fix most household appliances-and she had gone over without really thinking about it. Poe and Ben were both out, and Rey spent a whole hour trying to work with cheap tools to fix a leak.

She got it eventually.

But she was sweaty and felt gross after so she left while Finn was mopping up the water on the floor and in the cabinet.

She walked through the living room and it was just laying there over the arm of the couch. She somehow _knew_ it was Ben's, even though there were three men who lived in the flat.

And here she was, thirty minutes later, cleaned up and sitting on her bed, another one of Ben's hoodies in her hands. It was plain black and just as big as the other one. She should return it immediately.

She had shaken off that klepto tendency a year ago. She hadn't stolen anything in that time and here she was, lifting a friend?/acquaintance?'s clothes without a second thought.

Maybe she could return it before he noticed.

Rey didn't know how long she sat there, but she blinked and suddenly she was burying her face in the fabric and filling her senses with the soft cotton and the unmistakable scent of Ben Solo.

Shaking her head, she put the piece of clothing aside. She had to get a fucking grip on herself. She had nothing but neutral feelings for Ben, and she wanted to keep it that way. She'd just return the hoodie to him and hopefully he wouldn't notice.

It was coming up on finals week so everyone would be busy. It would be fine.

* * *

It was totally not fine.

She held onto it again, even wearing it while she had books scattered around her bed and a computer on her lap. She'd shove the long sleeves up to her elbows and they'd slowly make their way down again within a matter of minutes.

But the stupid hoodie somehow made her feel calmer, and she was able to write adequate papers for two of her classes final assignments while surrounded by the soft black material.

With reading week followed by finals, she didn't even see Ben until he showed up at her flat the day after their psychology exam.

Naturally, because this was just the way the universe was, she was wearing the hoodie over leggings when she pulled open the door, half asleep from her afternoon nap.

"Hey," Ben said.

"Ben!" Rey exclaimed, suddenly awake and feeling guilty as hell once again. Maybe he wouldn't notice? "What're you doing here?"

"I got a text from Rose." He pulled his phone out and read the text aloud: "'Ben, come take this stupid cake away from us before Kaydel and I turn into that chocolate kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.'"

Rey stifled a laugh with the cuff of his hoodie. "I don't even know why Kaydel bought a whole cake to begin with."

"Finals stress," Ben said, tentatively walking inside and toward the kitchen.

He hadn't said anything about the hoodie yet. Maybe she could slip it off while he was leaning into the fridge and everything would be fine.

"Ah shit," she muttered, realizing she was very much naked underneath. Why the fuck was she going around wearing Ben Solo's clothes anyway? She really had to have a talk with herself once he was gone.

"Huh?" Ben twisted around toward her and she shook her head. He shrugged and grabbed the cake container. It was already half gone.

"They bought it at like seven pm yesterday," Rey told him. "I'm glad I don't like chocolate otherwise it would probably all be gone."

"You don't like chocolate?" Ben asked, surprised.

Great, now he was intently looking at her. This was the opposite of what she wanted to happen. "No, not really." She grinned and walked toward the door, hoping he'd get the hint.

He did, thankfully. She didn't have to herd him to the doorstep.

"I hope that cake goes to a good home," she said, leaning against the door, trying to hide as much of herself as she could.

"Finn and Poe will probably devour the other half. They've got their last finals today." Ben stopped and turned back around before she could squeeze out a goodbye and close the door. "Is that mine?"

Rey blinked and hoped she looked innocent rather than guilty. Her brain was already cooking up another lie. "Um…"

"Is that my hoodie?" Ben pressed. He didn't sound angry-he sounded _amused_.

Rey cleared her throat. "Yeah," she squeaked out. _Please don't ask me to give it back, please don't ask me to give it back_. "I went to fix your sink and got water all over me so-"

"Okay." Ben looked bemused and she wanted to _die_. "Just return it when you can."

"I will," Rey said, voice shrill. "Bye!"

The door shut with a huge bang and Rey leaned her forehead against the wood. She let out a groan and eventually shuffled to the couch, where she threw herself down and stared at the ceiling blankly.

Would she ever be able to face him again? She hoped he would go home for the holidays so she could exist for three weeks without him around.

 _This isn't about Ben_ , an evil voice told her. _This is because you desperately want connection but refuse to let yourself feel anything_.

Rey grabbed a throw pillow and held it over her face, groaning out her frustration. Stupid brian, stupid sticky fingers-she sat up and pulled off the hoodie as she walked.

With nothing else to do, she spent the day down in the basement laundromat. The next day, she made sure Ben wasn't home when she dropped off his hoodie, neatly folded, leaving it on the counter in the kitchen.

That was going to be it. She went home empty handed and found herself staying in an empty flat as both Rose and Kaydel went off to their family for the holidays. They had only known her a few months so she wasn't offended that they didn't ask her along with them.

She drank a lot and caught up on all the shows on Netflix she'd missed while studying.

* * *

January rolled around and everyone returned. It turned out that she and Ben had three classes together even though he was a junior and she was a sophomore. He was catching up, he told her, when the six of them got together at the boys' flat for casual drinks and pizza and to catch up after holidays.

Two hours in and Poe and Finn had already disappeared into Poe's bedroom to fool around and Rose and Kaydel were basically making out on the couch next to Rey.

Rey was flushed and on the drunk side of tipsy and Ben was...well he was Ben. She couldn't really read him very well. She hoped he'd completely forgotten about the whole hoodie thing from the end of last semester.

"If you want, we can study together," Ben suggested, keeping his eyes on her and ignoring the giggling tangle of limbs that was Rey's roommates. "I'm not the best student. I could use the accountability."

Rey, slightly sloshed and therefore not thinking entirely clearly about her mortification, said, "Yeah, absolutely!" and that was that.

* * *

Classes started and a few times of week she and Ben met to discuss the class, read together or cobble together research paper outlines during the wee hours. Mostly they met at the library, sometimes they'd go back to one of their flats but usually their roommates were there, taking over.

They, to Rey's utter surprise, became actual friends. They both held each other at a reasonable distance, but they shared more between themselves than they did with their roommates.

The library was swamped during midterms and Rey, Rose and Kaydel's flat was filled with Kaydel's theater group. Rey headed for Ben's once she let him know she was coming over to try to finish one of her papers and to study for psych.

Finn and Poe also had a number of people over which led to Rey and Ben closed up in his room.

He was pretty tidy, without a lot of clutter, and it didn't smell gross like most college guys' rooms so Rey had no problem with it. She took over his bed, spreading out her books and sitting cross legged in the middle. Ben stayed at his desk.

It was easy to be around Ben. She hadn't realized it before this, but then again, she had never tried. It was probably easier now that they had something to focus on. Classes were a great excuse to befriend someone.

Rey shivered against a cold draft from a cracked window but she didn't say anything. Her hoodie debacle at the end of the year came to the forefront of her mind and she found herself rereading the same paragraph three times without absorbing any of it.

 _Get a grip, Rey_ , she chided herself.

"Cold?" Ben asked a few minutes later as her teeth literally started chattering.

She blinked and shook her head. "I'm fine," she lied. Because it came as second nature to do so. She was always _fine_ , never wanting to be a burden.

Ben didn't say anything and Rey kept her eyes glued to the psych textbook even as he got to his feet and moved to his weird open cube contraption that was up against a wall in lieu of a dresser. He stopped next to his bed and a pile of warm, soft looking fabric broke her concentration.

A god damn hoodie.

She could feel embarrassment coming up and clutching at her throat. "Um…"

"Since you're cold," Ben said.

She couldn't control her hands and they lifted up to grab it from him. This one was grey and it had a zipper. She put it on and left it unzipped, tugging up the hood in hopes that it would help her hide her reddening cheeks. "Thanks."

"Mhm." He went back to his desk.

A few hours and one pizza devoured later, Rey left, her head swimming from class. She left without giving him back his hoodie, and he didn't ask for it either.

She felt slightly less bad about it since he had given it to her. If it took a little while for her to return it to him? So what?

* * *

It became a whole thing.

Rey cycled through his hoodies like Kaydel's friend Bazine cycled through boyfriends. Her anxiety and guilt over it subsided as the weeks went on. She always returned them and almost immediately received another. Sometimes Ben would give her one, or she'd just casually grab a clean one from his room when she was there for studying.

He had a total of nine of them but she never touched the Knights of Ren one again, knowing how much it meant to him.

When the end of the semester came around, Rey found herself sad mostly for the loss of his hoodies-but his friendship was pretty great, too.

She thought that she'd be able to keep it up over the summer if he stuck around, but he announced to the group that he and his girlfriend were going to do a summer roadtrip as soon as finals were over.

The six of them were in Rey's apartment, scattered around the living room. Rey had recently snagged a new hoodie-a red one with a white zipper-just the other day when she and Ben were editing each other's final papers for English 347 in his room, and it was sitting in her room with all her other stuff.

"I didn't know you and Korri were serious enough for that," Poe said, waving his beer bottle around.

Ben shrugged a shoulder. "She wants to, and she's moving back home to Hosnian for good so it's not gonna last much longer."

Rey frowned. "If she knew she wasn't going to stay in Chandrila why did she get into a relationship?"

Rose and Kaydel, sitting next to Rey on the couch again, burst into laughter. "Oh, come on, honey, this is college," Kaydel said, petting Rey's hair. "Relationships in college are all over the place."

Rey flushed at her own weakness. Of course she knew that, but it still didn't make sense to start something if you knew it wouldn't end up working out.

"I know that," she said sullenly. Her eyes flickered to Ben, hoping he would either forget what she said or understand that she was worried about him.

"I mean, I can't be alone forever, can I?" Ben said lightly.

"You're too pretty for that, Benny boy," Poe agreed.

Ben scoffed and chugged down some beer, avoiding fully taking the compliment.

Rey pulled her legs against her chest and sunk back into the couch cushions as everyone went off about their summer plans.

"Rey?" Finn's voice caught her attention after she'd totally zoned out.

"Hmmm?"

"I asked what you're planning on doing."

"Oh uh...staying here. I have work set up and I'll just stay at the flat since Rose and Kay are keeping up summer payments." Her plans sounded so lame, she wanted to just crawl into her bed. No one in this group was super rich or anything, and yet she always felt so poor next to them.

"That's great!" Rose exploded. "It means that I can tell my parents that I need to get back early since you're here alone. It'll be a great excuse."

Everyone agreed and went back to making plans for the rest of the week around finals and then when and where they'd meet up over the summer.

Rey was the first to disappear, slinking off and dipping into the bathroom. She paused in the hall before walking into her bedroom rather than back to the living room where everyone was having a good time. She pathetically put on Ben's hoodie and sat on the floor, laptop propped up on her legs, the bedframe digging into her spine.

No one seemed to notice she was gone as she heard laughter and conversation continuing in the other room. She tried not to feel bad about it, but tears stung her eyes anyway.

She clicked through some roadtrip tip blogs because she loved a little bit of masochism, and jumped when there was a light knock on the doorframe. She cursed and turned to the door.

"Sorry," Ben said, hovering in the doorway.

Rey put aside her computer and got to her feet. "It's fine."

"I was just gonna head out. Text me if you need any last minute studying before finals?"

She nodded. "Okay." She crossed her arms, her hands covered by sleeves. "Oh shit...here, you probably want this back."

Rey started to take off the hoodie but Ben shook his head and she paused, frowning.

"You can keep it. Don't really need hoodies in the summer, do I?" He cracked a smile for her and she half-smiled back.

"Okay." This was weird. Why was she making this weird? They'd be seeing each other during their finals hours all week. "See you later."

Ben hesitated, but then he nodded, said goodbye and left. Rey sank down on the edge of her mattress and sighed. One of these days she may figure out how to exist in normal society, but today was not that day.

* * *

Ben texted her every once and a while over the summer. A picture of a lovely dessert with no chocolate in sight. A funny joke he'd read on the inside of a rest stop bathroom. Things that made Rey smile and feel a little bit less alone.

Everyone else texted her too, of course. They video chatted often, had a wild and crazy group chat, and everything else one could think of to stay in touch.

But the summer dragged on and Rey worked ten or sometimes twelve hour days under a sleazeball of a boss and sometimes even her friends couldn't make her feel better.

By the time September hit and everyone started moving in again, Ben's hoodie had lost all of its lingering scent of him and Rey was weirdly itching for another one, no matter that it was hotter than hell outside.

She wasn't expecting her heart to kind of lurch when she spotted Ben across the quad on campus and sat there, startled like a deer in headlights until he was in front of her, offering a hug. She moved mechanically, hugging him quickly and then springing back.

"Hey," she said, plastering on a big smile.

"Hey."

His hair had gotten a lot longer since May and she dared say he looked...bigger? Whatever. "Where's everyone else?" she asked, rocking back on her heels and glancing around.

Almost as if on cue, she heard Kay's squeal and the six of them were reunited. Rey found herself actually pretty happy for the first time in a long time, even as the day wore on and she felt her energy get steadily sapped out of her.

The start of the fall semester was always a whirlwind. Everyone catching up after summer, starting new classes, readjusting to life in a swarm of stressed, overworked students…

It took a week for Rey to return Ben's red hoodie. She went to his place just to return it, since they didn't have any classes together this year. Ben was moving into his capstone and she was a junior.

"Are you doing okay?" she asked, lingering in his bedroom. Poe and Finn were playing some video game in the living room.

"Yeah," Ben said, a little confused.

"Oh okay. I just wasn't sure after-your whole summer thing." She bit down on her bottom lip and shrugged her shoulders.

"Ah. Yeah, no, I'm fine. Thanks for asking. By the way, did you want to still study together this year? I actually boosted my grades last semester and I think it was because of you."

Rey raised her eyebrows. "Really? Sure. If we can figure out some times that work for both of us."

"Sounds good."

She gave him a small smile before retreating, leaving without a hoodie for the first time.

* * *

Things pretty much went back to normal after that. They studied together, either at the library or at their apartments. After Halloween Ben announced that he was seeing someone and Rey couldn't ignore the niggle of jealousy that crept into the back of her head when he said so.

She felt pretty bad about it when Ben brought Tai around, and he ended up being the literal sweetest person Rey had ever met in her life. She and Tai ended up being even better friends than Ben and Rey, which Ben found incredibly amusing.

They were often the three of them in Ben's room, studying and exchanging papers. Tai never asked about Rey sneaking off Ben's hoodies, at least not to Rey's face, and Ben didn't stop her.

It was a nice sort of companionship and it got Rey through the holidays. Everyone stayed this year, since it was Ben and Poe's final year.

At a Chrismukkah mashup party, Rey felt utterly alone with everyone paired off, but managed to enjoy herself well enough when she opened the joint gift from everyone and found herself looking at an extremely expensive camera.

"You guys…" Rey sniffed and turned the box over and over in her hands.

Finn hugged her around the shoulders. "We know you've been taking photos on your shit phone for ages, but now you can actually do something about it. Yeah?"

Rey resisted sobbing and went around hugging everyone before they encouraged her to pull it out of the box. It had at half-charge and they'd even bought her a set of lenses. She spent a little while messing around with it as other gifts were exchanged until it was her turn. She didn't feel the least bit embarrassed at handing out perfectly chosen fridge magnets with the best memes on them for each of them.

It was the first time in a long time that Rey actually felt included and didn't have the weight of guilt on her shoulders about it.

A week later however, when they were at a big New Years party, that loneliness crept up again, especially as the clock counted down. It was two minutes til and everyone was red in the face and drunk and a little high and Rey was downing another glass of champagne when someone walked up to her.

"Hey," he said, over the music and crowds on the countdown tv program.

Rey turned and found herself looking up at a man with ginger hair and a nervous look in his eye. "Hi?" she offered.

He smiled nervously. "I've been wanting to say hi all night," he said, leaning close so she could hear.

Rey arched an eyebrow. "I'm glad you did," she said, even though she didn't know who he was nor had she seen him around campus before.

He relaxed at that. "I'm Hux," he said.

"Hugs?" she repeated with a confused look.

"H-U-X," he yelled. She chuckled. "Armitage Hux."

"Rey," she yelled back. "Rey Johnson."

The countdown started and Rey's heart leapt up into her chest. She was a little drunk, but not very much. "Do you want to kiss me?"

Hux's eyes widened. "I-"

"For the new year. I'm sick of being the only single person in my friend group." The countdown was being yelled through the whole room.

"Y-yeah!" He grinned a little. "If you want me to."

"I asked, didn't I?"

And that's how Rey ended up kissing someone on New Years and also snagging a boyfriend.

It turned out that Armie was on track to become a nurse, which would explain why she'd never met him before. He was nice to talk to, even if they didn't have similar interests. He even fit in pretty well with her group of friends and Rey didn't feel quite so alone anymore.

She even kept snagging Ben's hoodies, though at a decelerated rate. Armie wasn't too keen on her spending so much time with Ben in his room, so she compromised and made sure to study with Ben in the library mostly.

* * *

Ben's last semester was either getting to him a lot, or something was up. Rey had been friends with him long enough to tell. He was snippy and looked tired a lot, retreating into himself and not even sending her dad jokes randomly like he used to. That was sort of his _thing_.

He was always level headed and kept his emotions in check, so when she was making her way up to his flat with her arms full of books and her bag slung over her shoulder, she didn't expect to hear yelling. Rey barely had time to step aside before Tai was storming past her in the hall, not stopping.

Rey frowned and forgot all about studying as she slowly made her way into Ben, Finn and Poe's flat.

It was quiet now, almost eerily, and Rey put her stuff down on the table before she called out tentatively, "Hello? Ben?"

There was some shuffling and cursing from his room and Rey tiptoed down the hall and peeked inside. "Hey," she said softly.

He had his back turned toward her. "Hey," he said out, rubbing his face and sniffing. He turned around and looked a mess.

"Are you okay?" she asked, even though it was obvious that he wasn't.

"What?" He cleared his throat and put his hands on his hips. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

Rey arched an eyebrow. "Really? You mean I didn't hear you and Tai yelling just now?"

"It's fine." His back stiffened and he pushed past her toward the living room, where his textbooks were sitting.

Rey frowned and followed, gathering her things and sitting next to him. She set her books and lapdown down and watched as his hands shook as he typed in his school email password.

"Ben," she said softly, feeling her mixed up feelings for him coming to the surface. She thought she was over those, but maybe the pain in her heart was platonic. She told herself that as he sat back and covered his face with his hands.

"I'll be okay," he muttered into his palms.

"Sure, everyone will be okay _eventually_. But are you okay now?" she asked.

Ben didn't say anything, but he slumped forward and Rey took it on herself to put her arm around his shoulders and let him lean into her. He did and they stayed there for a while.

They did get to homework and Rey went home with a hoodie; the first one she'd stolen, a black pullover.

* * *

It was nearing the end of the semester and things picked up quickly, especially for the seniors. Before she knew it, Ben and Poe were graduating and Armie was too, heading off to start residency work at a local clinic.

He was sticking around, so she would too.

Among it all, Rey didn't get a chance to give Ben his hoodie back. The summer was crazy, too. Rey stayed and worked, and ended up moving in with Armie. Rose and Kaydel were hoping to get a single apartment for their last year.

Things were changing fast and Rey quickly felt like she was losing control of her friends and her life.

She was equally to blame for pushing them away as they were for getting caught up in their own lives. _That's just what happens_ , she told herself. _Friends aren't forever. Everyone leaves_.

Her senior year was a blur. Her grades were okay. She spent most of her time with Armie. Ben and Poe didn't visit nearly as often as they said they would and Rey never remembered to give his hoodie back. She was too busy trying to figure out how she would be able to afford to start paying loans off after graduation.

The only people there to cheer for Rey at graduation were Rose, Kay, Finn and Armie. No family to hug her and take pictures. She spent the rest of the day crying in the bathroom before she pulled herself together. She'd been alone her whole life, she should be used to it by now.

They stayed in Chandrila, her and Armie, as everyone else scattered across the country. Things weren't great, but they were doable and she wasn't alone.

* * *

It wasn't until two more long years passed that she realized that she was alone, even if Armie was there. He was all about practicalities. She hadn't picked up her camera to flex her creativity in years and she kept focusing on her work. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't making her happy. He wasn't doing it to be malicious, it was just who he was.

Rey sat him down one day to tell him and he didn't even sound surprised.

"I've noticed-look, I want you to be happy, Rey," he told her, holding her hands. She believed him. "And I guess I just got comfortable here but I don't think either of us are doing any growing."

"We're not," Rey said softly, shaking her head. "And I want you to be happy, too. You're not a bad guy."

"I never said I was." He smiled a little.

She did, too. "I need to find a new place to live."

"You can stay. I can always move."

"It's fine. I think I need to get out of Chandrila."

"Okay. I'll stay in the guest room."

Rey squeezed his hands. He _was_ good. He just wasn't right for her.

It took a bottle of wine for her to pull up her deactivated facebook, something she hadn't used since college, and painfully searched for her friends. Rose and Kaydel were still together by the look of things, living in Naboo. It was a pretty country there and Kaydel was in a theater group and Rose was teaching.

Rey started there, not having the willpower to search for anyone else. A few awkward messages later and her fingers were flying over the keyboard. It was almost like no time had passed.

There was so much to catch up on. Rey spent a few weeks chatting with Rose and Kaydel over text. Rey had gotten a new number and lost everyone else's.

"You know Ben lives in the city," Kaydel mentioned one night while they were on a video chat.

Rey was sitting in bed drinking wine, house listings in Naboo open on her laptop next to their faces. "Ben?" she said, her voice a little tight.

"You know, Ben Solo. Who you were too much of a coward to ask out in college," Rose said bluntly.

Rey sputtered her wine and spent five minutes coughing. "What?!" she finally squeaked out.

Kaydel and Rose were using the same screen and they exchanged a glance. "C'mon, Rey, you guys were perfect for each other. We kept making bets of which one of you would make the first move."

Rey hadn't _not_ thought of Ben Solo in the past few years, but he had dwindled to a nice, warm memory. But now, everything about him came rushing back. His smile, his jokes, how quiet and calm he was even when she clammed up and got awkward. And oh _god_ , how she'd continued stealing his hoodies like that was _normal_. That wasn't normal. That was blurred lines _weird,_ floating somewhere between friends and relationship.

"Fuck," Rey said bluntly.

Rose gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm pretty sure he's single right now, if that helps."

"Oh god." Rey put a hand to her lips.

"Rosie, I don't know if Rey wants to rebound so fast after just breaking up with her boyfriend of three and a half years…"

"Would it be a rebound if she's wanted him for years?"

"I don't know if she wanted Ben for years. Look at her, she's frozen. Rey?"

Kaydel's voice brought her back to the present. She set down her wine and pulled her laptop closer.

"Rey, what're you doing?" Rose asked.

Rey didn't respond, pulling up facebook and doing what she'd been neglecting to do for weeks now. She searched for Ben. She didn't know if he'd have a page, but he did and she felt overwhelmed with a crashing wave of emotions that came over her when she looked at his profile photo.

"Oh wow," she whispered out.

"Are you okay?" Kay asked.

"I found Ben's facebook," Rey said, her mouse already hovering over the friend button. "He looks...good."

"We've seen him sometimes. He's busy with residency and all that."

Rey licked her lips and pressed the button. "He's still doing psychology?"

"Yeah. He's doing some stuff with the local youth center but he wants to be able to have his own practice," Rose rattled off. "What? We talk a lot. He doesn't have a lot of friends."

Rey could relate to that. "Do you think he'd still want to talk to me after so long?"

"Oh, Rey, of course he will," Kay assured her.

As if he'd been waiting, Ben's acceptance of her friend request came through then. "Oh shit."

"What?!" Rose squeaked.

"I friended him and he already-oh fuck, he's sending me a message."

Kay snickered. "Rey you sound like you're twelve, get a grip. It's just Ben."

 _Just Ben_. Of course. Rey knew him pretty well, but maybe he'd changed? She held her breath as the notification came up on her facebook tab.

Clicking on it, she opened the message and read the words, once, twice, a third time.

_Do my eyes deceive me, or is that a ray of sunshine?_

A laugh escaped her and it almost sounded like a sob.

"Oh honey, are you okay?" Rose asked, leaning close to the camera.

Rey nodded. "Yeah...yeah, I'm okay."

"Do you want us to stay on the line, or do you want us to go?"

When Rey didn't reply right away, Kaydel took the decision upon herself. "We'll go, but text us if you need us."

"Is it weird to be talking to my...whatever Ben is while sitting in the house I've spent two years with another guy in?"

"I mean, that's the way life goes. Don't think about it that way. And if you get that email response tomorrow or the next day you'll be moving in with us anyway!" Kaydel grinned at the screen. "Text us if you need us."

And then they were gone.

Ben had sent another message:

 _No one had any idea how to get in touch with you after your number got disconnected. It's nice to hear from you, Rey_.

Rey, with heart fluttering and fingers shaking, decided to take a plunge, feet first into the deep dark waters of her emotional ocean.

**How can you hear from me, if I haven't said anything yet? ;P**

_Very true. How are you?_

**A little bit of a mess, but I'm getting better. How are you? Rose told me you're working with kids.**

It was like no time had passed. Except that now Rey was fully in her feelings and every word made her heart jump and her palms sweat. They chatted late into the night, for her at least, since Naboo was three hours earlier than Chandrila.

Eventually she said goodnight and fell asleep, feeling more relaxed than she had in years.

* * *

She found it when she was packing her boxes. Somehow it had gotten shoved into a tub of old clothes that she'd never gotten around to getting rid of and was thankful that she didn't.

The hoodie was just as she remembered, big and black and it really took her back. She wasn't sure if she thought that the last three years were a waste or not. She learned a lot about how to relate to people and how to be herself when she was with Armie, so maybe it was good they had been together.

But now? Now, Rey couldn't stop thinking about Ben. She had no idea if he reciprocated her feelings, but she was beyond waiting. She would tell him, and if that was that, at least she tried.

She washed the hoodie-it was a little musty from years in that tub-and pulled it on that night, feeling like she was getting a hug from Ben. They'd been talking daily since she found him on facebook, exchanging numbers finally after a few nights.

The moving pod thing was supposed to get dropped off in the morning and Rey and Armie would fill it with her things. He said she could take whatever she wanted, no strings attached.

He was working a night shift tonight, but even so, Rey felt a little guilty as she lay down in what had been their bed, surrounded by Ben's hoodie and feeling herself getting wet at the thought.

With her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, Rey settled back and pushed up one sleeve to her elbow and trailed her fingers across her thighs. Her hand eventually dipped between her legs, feeling the wetness there. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine Ben.

He was wide and tall and looked like he'd packed on even more muscle since college if his photos had anything to say about it. His eyes were kind, but she caught herself up in his size, imagining his hands on her. She pushed up the hoodie and played with her breasts and pebbled nipples with her small hands as she slipped her fingers through her slick entrance.

She usually needed a long time to come, but with her fingers sliding inside and the heel of her hand grinding down on her clit, she came fast, gasping out Ben's name into the empty room.

She could definitely assume her feelings were beyond platonic now.

* * *

Rey was nervous as hell, her heart thudding, her palms sweaty, her skin probably blotchy and red. Her backpack felt heavy and awkward, like she was eighteen again and back in college rather than twenty-two and on her way to something great.

Ben wanted to meet at a local park and asked Rey to bring her camera-if she still had it.

She did. It was one of the things in the bag.

She was thankful he didn't want to meet at a cafe, since there would be more space to move around and she'd probably chicken out of telling him if they were in a crowded room.

She'd been in Naboo for three days. The first day barely counted since she had come in from her flight and had to fight weird jetlag. Her stuff was crowded into Rose and Kaydel's flat for now until she could find her own place.

But that was all for another time, another day. Right now, she was going to see Ben for the first time in years.

She'd actually gotten dressed up for this, even though he'd seen her in her worst state multiple times. She wore a nice dress and Rose had curled her short bob and Kaydel had put some tint on her cheeks and lips. She looked more put together than she had in a while.

He was easy to spot, even sitting down on a bench. Her breath caught like she was some kind of romance novel protagonist when she saw him.

He had definitely grown into himself, and absolutely was bigger than she remembered. He looked more at ease in his height too, as he spotted her from across the fountain and got to his feet.

She felt a grin splitting her face as she walked around the fountain.

"Hey!" she called, cheerily, feeling giddy. It was the first time she hadn't felt nervous about pursuing someone before-whether for friendship or something more.

She didn't know why she hadn't let herself see it before and since she couldn't go back in time, she would just have to change her future.

He smiled, soft and gentle just for her as they got close. "Hey, yourself."

Her cheeks flushed a little as they stopped with two feet between them. She tilted her head back. "I have something for you," she said, resisting the urge to hug him. She pulled her bag off one shoulder and unzipped it, fishing around her camera and pulling out the large black hoodie.

She held it out with a sheepish smile. "Turns out I held onto this far longer than I expected to."

Ben chuckled, reaching out to take a handful of fabric. "I forgot about this one," he mused.

"I think it was high time I returned it," she finished.

"Isn't there a law about finder's keepers?" His eyes were nearly sparkling as he looked at her.

Her chest flooded with warmth. "I've heard something about that," she nodded, gently taking the hoodie back and folding it over her arms. "Ben-"

"Rey-" he said at the same time. They both stopped and laughed lightly. "Go ahead."

"This is probably going to sound totally out of the blue especially since I already told you Armie and I broke up and that whole thing was really weird." Rey was babbling and completely missing the point. She made a face and tried not to touch her face and mess up her makeup. "God I shouldn't be bringing him up right now. Okay, it just-I got to thinking and I realized that I liked you, in college. I didn't want to accept it or acknowledge it but I did and I think I still do. I've never felt this way before and it scares me and I know we've both changed a lot in the past two years so it's okay if you don't know what to say or anything but-"

"Rey." Ben interrupted, taking her shoulders. She gulped for air and peered up at him. "I liked you in college too, but you seemed okay with just being friends and I didn't want to scare you off."

She blinked. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean...look at you. You're gorgeous, smart, kind and you look really great in my hoodies."

Her anxiety melted away a little at that last part and she laughed lightly.

"Talking to you for the past week has been great. Really, really great. Amazing even."

"Don't flatter yourself," she teased, leaning into his touch as his thumbs stroked her shoulders.

He cracked half a smile. "I was embarrassingly happy to hear you were moving to Naboo. I want to keep talking to you and learning everything about you if you'd let me."

The ball was in her court. She was so sure he would say he didn't feel the same way that she almost didn't know what to say. But he was patient, like always.

"I'd like that," she agreed, taking a small step forward. "I don't know where this will end up, but I'd really like to try."

"Yeah?" His eyes lit up.

Rey's heart soared. She wanted to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't asleep. "Yeah," she nodded.

Ben responded by closing the space between them, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her soft and sweet. She didn't let him go so easily after the first kiss, holding onto his wrists and pushing herself to her toes for another.

She had waited long enough, she figured she deserved it.


End file.
